Pierce through its glossy integument and clear away the fart-joke methane of Genndy Tartakovsky’s Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation and you have a modern animated film that analyzes the depths of white female guilt with regards to the 2016 election; a vis- à -vis confrontation between maintaining white (male) Alt-right values against intrinsically restricted (female) rights. Our pseudo-monsters, our immigrant titan of the hospitality industry, Dracula (Adam Sandler), is an overworked cog to a capitalist society, running a mélange hotel/wedding planning service with a coterie of other migrant monsters. Dracula’s perpetually harassed by Van Helsing (Jim Gaffigan), our MAGA stand-in, a character defined by his tiny hands, orangutan-ian hued coiffure, and proclamations of maintaining a (white) legacy. Helsing is thoroughly dispatched each time the two battle, in Road Runner/Wiley Coyote fashion, but it weighs heavily on Dracula’s constitution. This prompts Dracula’s daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez) to plan a vacation for him and the monster staff aboard a cruise ship. Initially reticent, Dracula becomes overwhelmed by the sight of Ericka (Kathryn Hahn), a specter of a human, perpetually donning glossy white, as he becomes “zinged” – the film’s vernacular for love at first sight.
Little does Dracula know that Ericka’s surname is, indeed, Van Helsing, and with it she shares her grandfather’s cultural and political hegemony. Rid the Earth of the monster race sums up the rhetoric, as Ericka and her grandfather plan to murder a boatful of (minority?) monsters. Yet as Ericka gets to know Dracula, in what’s likely her first encounter with a non-human, she begins to empathize with his plight. This “we’re not so different, you and I” axiom doesn’t jibe with Senior Van Helsing’s ideology, resulting in a colossal confrontation between past and present, liberal intuition versus conservative traditions, good vibrations versus EDM-white noise. There may not be another more pointed political statement than the film’s choice Los del Río track, serving to bridge a cultural gap that only song and dance can.
Let’s face it: any film that features Adam Sandler alongside his entourage of third-rate comedians (Kevin James, David Spade, etc.) isn’t going to operate as a studious examination of our cultural mores. I lack the faculty to analyze this film the way a child may enjoy it. There are some movies I’m just not built for watching. This is one of them, because, see, when I get bored, I make up my own movie.
 A mechanized, barely human version of himself. Such legacies are hard to kill.
 While this may have been addressed in prior films (this writer has not seen the previous two films in the Hotel Transylvania Universe™), there is a lack of data regarding the monster versus human population that spans this film. Let it be known that a thorough survey of the cruise ship’s ticket-owners was abundantly non-human.
 The mid-nineties cultural phenomenon, “Macarena”. The only Spanish-language song your 50-year old white neighbor Steve/Kyle/Chad may know.
 Mercifully, Mr. Rob Schneider is omitted from the proceedings, leaving one to wonder if his conservative ideological leanings actually prohibited his inclusion.